The Shape of Love

Written By Alaina Yan

Written by: Jayden Zhang

Pinterest / Sarfaraz Patel

February 14, every year it comes around, and every year I dread it as much as the last. It’s such a sickly-sweet feeling, seeing all the couples prancing around, an intimacy so begrudging in its existence. Love itself is a strange thing. It has been commodified, twisted, corrupted, and depraved into something essentially unrecognizable from its true self. However, the one thing that is invariably true about love is its volatility. From the jittery rush when you talk to a girl you find pretty, to the cascading warmth of being held by someone you care about, all of it are symptoms of the same disease, the wistful, incurable affliction of love. 

The feeling of love at its most biological basis is the work of dozens of different chemicals, both increasing and decreasing in level. Two key neurotransmitters in this process are dopamine and oxytocin. Oxytocin is the largest player here. Known as the “Love Hormone,” Oxytocin is heightened during skin-to-skin contact and intimacy. It builds emotional attachment and reduces stress, but is more importantly used for organic purposes such as childbirth and breastfeeding. The other key player is dopamine, which acts as a sort of reward for the brain. Its job is to trigger waves of pleasure from gratifying behaviors such as exercise. Harvard University finds that being in love can directly stimulate the parts of the brain associated with dopamine production. Furthermore, these parts of the brain are some of the oldest, showing that love is deeply carved within our consciousness – it is a primal part of our human desire and persona.

Then how can it be that love is so unpredictable, when its existence is so formulaic? The real answer comes down to the development of a modern-day civilization. Long ago, before sedentism and long before any recognizable society, these chemicals served only one purpose. It encouraged individuals to breed and reproduce, to pass down genes to the next generation. Love was necessary for the very existence of a species. However, once societies developed, life became increasingly easier, and surviving became a bare minimum. No longer was having a partner simply a way to reproduce, it had evolved into something far more intricate. A partner was now someone that you would spend your life with, someone you could trust with your deepest secrets and most emotional outbreaks. As such, people became much more picky with who they dated. “Green flag”, “red flag,” “the ick,” “ghosting,” all of these terms were birthed by the need to filter out subpar candidates. Love, as with most things in Capitalism, also slowly became commoditized. Dating websites such as Tinder slowly entered mainstream media as a way for hopeless romantics to find their perfect partner. Gift-giving became a massive part of showing love, and it is customary to give chocolates to your Valentine on February 14. The evolution of love not only birthed new terminology and new ideas, but also a new culture and industry as a whole.

In the modern day, the idea of Love continues to evolve, especially with the implementation and popularization of social media. The infinite content loops of TikTok and Instagram ensure that monotony is a thing of the past. Never before could two people from hundreds of miles away participate in such an active relationship.  However, there are also very real negative effects. Social media projects unrealistic standards, leading to a generation insecure in their appearance and unconfident in their abilities. The virtual web has drawn people together and simultaneously pushed them apart. Only time will tell the true effect that this seclusion will have on long-term relationships. 

In the end, love is still incredibly complex and hard to understand. To put it into words is to describe a taste with color, or to define a sound with an aroma. It is something that is different for every individual, something that is fluid in its existence and elusive in its realism. It must be experienced to be understood. It is both our biggest strength and our largest flaw. It is what makes us human, and it must be preserved.

 
Alaina Yan
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